The man under the helmet.

One day I was at "Møllers bil" here in Sala and put a stickers with my teams logo on my teammates cars.
I wasn't at that best mood that day. Emotions was high up like waves and next moment it 's calm again.

That's the day you miss the family most of all. Miss the dad and sisters in homeland, miss the oldest sister and a cat. Miss the hug from your siblings and mostly from you mam. Like a child I want to run into hers paws and cry on her's chest while she cuddles me and palms away the tears and I listen to hers soft voice like a melody while she says words: everything is going to be fine, sweetheart. Be strong.
It's 8 years from now she is in England. It's 6th year I am away from my family. Facing the life alone, fighting the small battles, making new connections, surviving in business world, get hurt and fall in love again, making mistakes and choosing the right things to do, making the difference, falling down and getting up, falling down and getting up again.

People recognize me as a goalkeeper. That's what I am good at. Latvian National Team's goalkeeper and Salas new goalie. It's like my cover or "suit" every day or a sticker on my forehead- Da goalie. The girl under the helmet. Not complaining just facing the fact.


I put the stickers on my teammates cars.
Goalies are like a casual cars, players are the cars- cabriolet, because they don't wear the helmet, so they don't have a roof.( Ha! They don't have a roof! )
Goalie put the helmet on and cover all the face, hides behind the windows, under the roof, no one can see their true emotions under the helmet, it's hidden while players face is showed in all magazines and in public from the seat they are sitting. You may say (as a player) than we (goalies) are just full of fear that's why we wear helmet, but no. We wear helmet's because it's painful to get the shoot in face, just you know :) .

I don't say than players don't have an emotions. They surely dodely do.

I like helmets. I like to be a goalie. I like to hide. Like to hide that girl which only few have seen and have been sitting in the same car as I am. Close, in front seat beside me and get known the "essence" I am made of.
To hide that sincere, tender, fragile, crystal-pure girl which's inside of me. Inside of everyone. Everyone.

#99

what's the difference?

Good. Better. Your best.
What's the difference between these three performances?

Good performance.
T-shirt lever: barley wet/ dry.
That's something you are good at without specific focus set by yourself or pressure from someone other. Your casual skills and talent in level you feel 100%. Doing what you are good at quite simply and not more. That's a good performance.


Better performance.
T-shirt lever: wet.
This performance includes discipline, aiming, reaching, set the goals, never giving up and try again and again. Doing this performance with high responsibility to yourself you reduce difference between casual/ good performance and the better performance. Quite simply- you higher the level of your's good performance.
(In my opinion, if there might be a scale to measure the levels of skills/talent between two athletes, which have been in same level in their given skills/ talent, after one of them have been done his good and other have been done his better performances, we say in one month period, the athlete who have been done his better will be better at his good performance than other one after a given month period).Your better performance is all the time in progress.

Best performance.
T-shirt level: extra wet.
I would like to call these as performances when you have put all your energy out, you have been fighting with yourself mentally while your body have been wanted to quit. After this performance you might start to shake and even cry, get week in your knees (perhaps), because your body have went through terrific shock which you have been progressed by not giving up. Your body will be fine, because your brain (you) understand than it's nothing serious and you have used all your adrenalin and that's why these " symptoms". ( In my opinion, you should be worried about your body in times when you have skipped  doing " better performance",we say in practices, and from doing your "good performance" you have jumped to "best performance" skipped the "doing your better performance" . It's not healthy for your heart first of all. By skipping "better performance" it means your heart haven't been in intense practice before and again, if we might use this scale, we " may see" the difference between one athlete and other and their body/ heart fitness according to given time period.) Best performances comes with mental preparation and with physical background. It's easier to give your best performances and deliver them more often in times if you are in progress of better performance. By giving your best performance I promise you, your emotions are going to be priceless, you will understand the value of hard work, tears, pushing the limits and inside glory to yourself. You will experience the triumph as an athlete and as a person at the same time.

There is actually one more performance:
The Very Best Performance.
I believe than this performance you have to own as a dream, as a goal where to aim against. The very best performance becomes your limit. Your highest limit. Sky? Stars? (Read: How to give your best performance.) It's up to you.

#99

Levels of thoughts.

What do you do as a goalie/ player/ coach after lost game?

We lost today. 2-3. So close but not enough. I succeed " my-every-game-goal":  max 1 goal for every period what makes equal total 3 goals for 1 game. It makes me elated when I have(can) done(do) better. It makes me feel good when I succeed " my goal". Kind of. But today it's tough. As a goalie I shouldn't take the "miss boll" too serious and just let it be.. Just forget. But today is not that day.
I just want to do better than I did today. If I take this step it means I am going to higher the quality, focus, discipline- Everything! And it means I am going to reach the higher level.
But there are so many levels. When you thought you have reached your level 10 it turns out there is level 11. There is so many levels.. Maybe I should relax and instead get one level down? (like that exercise with steps- one step back, two forward. One step back, two forward. ) That's not giving up. That's one of the scariest and one of the toughest steps in athletes life to face this fact and take the step backwards, I think. Be patient, wait for all's best even if you are ready to fight for next level. Is this right?
If you are climbing towards to the top with your climber-friends, you should stick together and stay patient. You will reach the top sooner or later. (Only if you don't decide to go home.)
Levels in life.

I should listen to my friends and just stop think so much. I come home after a game, got some food, took a shower, fall into a pillows in front of TV and tried to " not to think". Went to sleep and tried not to think.
But thought like a worm in the apple goes through you every step/ mistake/ good things you did.
Took my shoes on and took a long walk with my thoughts under the rainy sky. There is some things you can't change. If you do, trust me, you will not be happy and after a while you will be back on your feet by being yourself again.

Sometimes I complain and agree than I think too much, but that's amazing where these thoughts have brought me. If I start to wonder about something for sure I will finish this thought directly or after a long while and put it in the shell as a book. After a while I might pick it up again and re-think and put it in another shell. That's who I am, and I don't feel bad about it. To be able to think brings you to whole new " way of thinking". Once you own your own thought what connects with some other(thought of yours) or others (person) thoughts, you experience something very special as a person you are. It's "something" what lifts up your spirit.

#99

Laumas "Goalie Area's" Theory.

Do you see the net, small square and bigger one?
Good.
This post is going to be about it. About your second home, goalie! Plus it's going to be seriously fun post. One day you will have cute goalie kids, you can tell this to them as bed-time story! They sure will love it!

The net and the small square is your home. You are the only one who have full access to this area. If someone steps into this are- he/she is going to jail (getting 2 minutes penalty), right? You are the only one who owns this area. (Not even referees! Not even coach on practice.. sometimes they do step behind you just to " talk" or "see your movement" in goal or just "see team from different perspective" as they say but it's all about that little square. Everyone knows it's just for goalies, but still everyone secretly want to step into this spot.  :))

The bigger square which is surrounding your " home" is your garden. The white stripe is the fence. Quite low one but still it counts. The garden is your territory too. You have 5 dogs(players) totally. Usually 3 of them is running around and having fun in your " evil neighbors" (opponent team) area. When neighbors dogs are mad, they attack and tries to have fun, playing together and " catches the ball" at your area. Than you have to be awake! Than all 5 dogs of yours are home. 2 of your dogs are your very best friends, these two are your guard dogs. You can trust all five of them and they trust you, but as a goalie- never trust them completely. Like a dogs do they are " catching the ball" and sometimes it slips into the house. That's not aloud! Sometimes one of your guard dog runs to play with other ones, but you can always count on one of your five ones than one of them will always stay at home.
As a good owner of your garden you have to be "awake", be aggressive if someone uninvited steps into this area! If post-man (opponent teams player) gives you a newspaper (he is ready for a shoot), you leave your house(shoot out) and grab it(doing the save) and go quickly back into the house. If you leave your doors (the net) open for too long time, the dogs may miss the ball and it gets into the house. And that means game over for dogs and for you too.

The great owner speaks and reacts according to situation, the good owner keeps calm and stay aggressive according to situation. Smart dogs listen and reacts. Make the dogs feel safe, take good care of your house and that's how your dogs will feel the safe with you. The way you react and feel, the way you make feel and react others. Keep communication, be polite and sincere to your "pets" because you have to love them with all your heart to be a good owner.

This is goalie thinking. This probably might be our little revenge to all who have called us as freaks, psychopaths, masochist, retarded and just crazy ones. We know you have been just kidding, so do we too. Dogs are our very best friends in life, that's true! Balance.

I love my players and coaches. They are my heroes. They keep it real for me to do my best. If I see one or many of my player by doing their best and pushing their limits and working their ass out, I instantly become as one of them. If there is a hope in this game, if I see the hope in other eyes, I am ready to fight until bleeding fingers. So much I love my players and their passion. So much I love this game and my passion.

We, goalies, deeply respect our players for courage and spark into their eyes by protecting us by taking the shoot on them instead aimed to goal and fighting in front of us like a soldiers, like a warriors. I like to think than coaches are leaders of the war (game) and kings of the castle(net), players are their army and goalies are the closest one to the king who are the last ones who protect the castle and always takes the last shoot for the king.

#99

My Goalie Story.

My floorball story starts at grade 4th when I was 10 years old. I started as a defender, I really liked it.

Where I come from we didn't have a sport hall, so we was practicing out of the village at some old canteen where all the equipment was thrown out and we had a free local with really bad floor where some pieces was lifting up from the floor and windows was covered with plastic material. It was freaking cold in wintertime, but my first Coach was the man of Gold. He fixed some old, quite big heater which sounded a lot. But we didn't care about it! Our Coach had fixed the very simple sticks, those who had better financial situation had better ones like Canadian, we didn't had a bag full of balls, just few of them. There wasn't any tactics in my first team, we get our own role, we got some information about this role on field and we just played for fun by trying to do our best. On practices we just played 2 teams against each other. Doesn't matters how old or what gender you were, we was put in one of the team and we just play.
On one of the practice we was missing a goalkeeper and my Coach asked if there is anyone who would like to try out this role. I don't remember how but I ended up there that day and that was the day I become a goalkeeper. I was 11 years old girl with no game experience even not as a defender, it was the late August or beginning of September and I started my goalie career against top team after few days practice. We lost, but we usually lose to this team with higher numbers. I got a many nice words from teammates and a Coach. It made me proud and by every practice and game I become better and better.

During the Primary School I went to Music school too and believe or not I was playing violin. Sometimes I came to lesson with nail pealed of the top of the finger, but there is no excuse, I have to keep on playing. I had violin lessons just 2 times a week -Wednesdays and Saturdays. On Wednesdays I had practice so I always get quickly away from lesson but on Saturdays, if I didn't had a game, I got " punished" and was usually at the school playing violin until the last student goes home, than it was my turn. My teacher was the great man, he saw the talent in me so he made me to stay long hours to play violin because I wasn't practicing almost nothing at all, what a violin players have to do. But still somehow I finished Music School with great grades. It had gave me a great lessons to do things even what you don't like to do. Funniest is than nowadays I am still playing violin and I love it! Thanks to my teacher for this hard work and not giving up on this kid.

I could be a great violin player, but I feel more common to floorball. I believe it's all because of being active and since I was a baby I got asthma what made no ability for me to be a participant in sport lessons for a while at my childhood and running was like a "straight way to death". I hated it! I wanted to do sports so badly so maybe one of the reason why I become as a goalie was than as a goalie you don't have to run and simply saying- you can be lazy and just sit on your ass and breathe calmly. I am a fighter! When I was a kid I was spending a lot of time at hospitals with a medicine in my veins and lungs. From my childhood I remember there was the time I wasn't able to eat candy so I gave it away to my sisters. I was hipper- active kid. I don't remember a lot of that time from my life, but my mam once told me than since I was a kid I had learned by myself to control my breathing. She told me than there have been times I wasn't able to go outside on hill and play with other kids. Sometimes I did, but than my sisters carried my home on their shoulders. My doctors was very skeptical about my participating in sport lessons and even about my surviving as a kid. They were more and more surprised about my progress year by year. My family doctor was great, she let me do sports at school with high responsibilities asked from myself.  Could it be Goal-tending what " had healed" me? It become better and better.

When I was around 12-13 years old I was even playing with my local men team and was their goalie. Loved every shoot that came straightly to net and which I saved. That was the great feeling to be the only girl in a men tournament for sure and I loved that feeling than in front of me stood the guys who protected me and actually made me to feel safe. I was very shy girl at that age. Under the helmet I was their little hero and I did my best to make them proud of me and don't let them down.. I was their goalkeeper.

Age 14 starts my " National team goalkeeper" story and after 10 years it's still to be continued. First I got invited to Latvian National Team as a participant and only later there was some U-19 National Team practices. I played my first Championship and at the same time the very 1st Women U-19 Championships in Finland, Tampere city in 2004. With Latvian National Team went to Singapore on 2005. Here is the rest of my results as participant in Latvian National team.
2005 I "got a call" from Sweden, Endre IF. They saw me in Finland playing and showed the interests. My team mate Anete helped Endre to contact me. Endre wanted me to move to Gotland already than but I was just finished the primary school and that would be tough for me to study in Sweden in Swedish. So I and my wise mam decided to wait until I finish Secondary School and than make this subject actual again.
2008 from my sweet little town Ligatne I moved to Visby. Only 19 years old, still shy and searching for the "I" in herself.

My goals wasn't high at that time. I was so grateful than I have got there and was ready to sit on bench and learn and grown and simply become better. That was my first year. That was my goal at that time. I do learned a lot and got some games on my shoulders.
The 2nd year in Endre I started to show some ambitions, but not quietly high ones. I was still insecure about myself, but started to feel than my time is coming. Grateful for this time, lessons I learned and games I got to play.
The 3rd year (pre-season) started very good, I felt strong and ready to fight for " The first goalie" place, but it wasn't meant to happened this year. In last training game right before season starts I got my shoulder out of the place and I took 3 month at least to build those small muscles back on place. I was mentally broke and couldn't help myself.
But then started the period which changed things. Let's call it" Rise from ashes". I hated to sit on bench, I started to do my best every practice even if sometimes I was going true pain. This is something I learned form my friend. She was my teacher at this point. She didn't let the team down. She fight until the end every time, she did her best every game even if I knew than she is in pain, don't know about practices because than I was fully focused on my performance. I started to show ambitions to coaches, I started to show who I am made of. I wasn't satisfied enough about the games I got to play. I wanted to feel the " top 5 team" shoots on me too. I asked for feedback, I asked for explanation. I remember I asked what I have to do to become better? I got 3 things I have to be better at. I got chance at same weekend. I did all of the 3 things. I was the best player of that game and even the articles title was based on one of the thing what was in my: " to do list". Year 3rd finished like it was. But I appreciate it. I gave some hard time for coaches, hope they forgives me. It just wasn't meant to happened.
Season 4th started quite stable. There was no first goalie in team and in beginning it really felt like that. We was named as elites best goalie couple. And that's what simply we was.. Until half of the season. Call me how ever you want to call me, but I started to feel than the role have changed. Leaders strictly kept on saying than there is no first goalie in team, but you can't fool the intuition of mine.
And than started the period I have named as a "break down" part of my goalie career.
I had finally stand of for myself for last year and wasn't afraid to ask and discuses and argue about things which was important to me and my goalkeeping development. I asked the coach why I can't goal-tend this game and he gave me the answer I will remember for all of my life. He compare us two goalies as a deserts. (Don't laugh, it's actually very good compering at the end) He said than someday he feels like going for this cake and someday for another but he can't have them both at the same time. He had a point. I just couldn't make him to explain why he like the one of the dessert more than other constantly. Maybe it was the structure and it was important to him what this "Cake" is made of/in?
Few games left before play-offs. I was so tired of this. I understood than I was using my energy more on this " fight" than by better using it in practices, but even in practices (so felt it for me) it doesn't matters how good I did because the decision was already clear. I gave up.(This is something I couldn't forgive myself for a long time after understanding than I gave up on thing what I love the most) I said to coach than I take the place on the bench. He already had decided what's best for team, and it felt useless to steal his energy away from him by fighting against. He just did what's best for the team in his (and mine) opinion, and so did I in mine. I gave up and took the place as 2nd goalie. That was the day I killed the passion about being goalie. I hated it! I killed my dream and goals. I smashed down as a goalkeeper. It wasn't meant to happened this season ether. I thought I am done with goaltending forever!
Season 5th I decided to do something I really loved to do- I started to play as defender in Endres Juniors Team in 2nd division. But at the end I understood than I really suck at it. Sala Silverstaden from elite showed interest about me, but how could I become their goalkeeper if that was the role I hated the most at that moment?
There was some games my coach put me in goal. I remember one important game for my team and coach asks me if I would like to go to net. I said I don' t want to.. but situation was like there was no other choice. So I decided to do what's best for team. I remember I was siting in locker room on bench, putting on my Blindsave kneepads and silently crying. Tears was falling down from my eyes even under the helmet during the game. But we won. It was so nice to see other girls so happy for this victory, but I was smashed down and out of energy. So much I hated this situation, so much I didn't wanted to go in net. So much I hated to be a goalkeeper.

In beginning of season I got invitation from Latvian National Team to Qualification in January to this years World Championship in Brno, Czech Republic. I feel high responsibility and love to my country so I started to push myself to do something about my " goalie problem". I started to practice again as goalie with my cousins team Hansa Houburg, I went to legendary Warberg Goalie Camp and learned a lot of great stuff there. Every penny I paid, it was so worth it! It was tough. Like a rehabilitation. But I was back on track.
In Qualification I even got an award as best goalie!
The two most important games- qualification to division 1, I was the goalkeeper. I did as much as best I could.. we succeed. And these was the 2 last games for me as a Endres Goalkeeper. That was the goodbye gift for Endre from me. I wasn't the one who score, but I was definitely the one who kept it real to go up to division 1 for this Team. Lovely, young girls. Wish all the best in this year! Same for the whole Endres Club and friends of mine.

It may sound unfair and wrong the way I am talking about my experience, but that's the way it was and I am grateful for everything what have happened to me and what I have went thrue. Ofcourse there was great times and awesome saves and stunning games by my performance. This is my experience told (GoalieThinking) started from my hometown club Ligatne, guys team, National Team and my best times from Endre. This club have gave me a huge understanding and the mental gift during last 5 years on Gotland. This Club have developed this Goalkeeper. I could even say I was Endres student. I have graduated this school. It just turned out I am not their goalkeeper. These 5 years have made a person I am right now.

" What's past, belongs to past. If I may carry memories of Endre on my shoulders means they get heavy and it's hard to aim to victory with my 100% best. Ofcourse, deep inside of my heart is the place I will always call "Endres heart", but right now it beats only for one club- Sala Silverstaden IBK. And that's all what matters." //#99

Right now I am standing in position as next Salas Silverstaden's goalkeeper and I am ready to fight!
I am standing here as goalkeepers coach.
I stand here as person who had attend two of the best Goalie Camps: Warberg Goalie Camp and Blindsave Goalie Camp.
I am standing here as participant as goalie of Latvian National Team for World Championships this December.
I stand here right now with my belief as a goalkeeper stronger than ever.

#99