Practice More!

Today I heard a true story of a girl. She is teenager and she loves floorball. She practices with her team aprox.4 times in a week plus time to time she goes to family's garage and jumps with jump rope, do push ups and lot more. She knows(feels?) the value in what she do even if it comes unconsciously, but she gets stronger and better every day. She is the one who will "take over".

I used to be someone similar as her. Where did it all went? The passion! The ache for this game! The joy!

Where is that girl who after practice drove home and  time to time went for an extra run or did some extra exercises and felt so great about it?
The girl, young women sits here, but the passion is gone.

I can easily see myself starting over where I left it all.. it's just push my ass out of cozy pillows, put a warm clothes on and just do it! It's easy like 1,2,3. No weather can stop me, no tiredness, no bad day or bleeding nose. The only thing what stops me is myself. My will. My power of will to make a change. To become better so in this point the whole team is going to be better because of my performance. " I can easily see myself starting over where I left it all.. Again." I had pushed myself several times during this season, but...

It's gone. The passion of being goalie. I lost it for first time playing with Endre 2 years ago. Last year I played as defender. It was fun! I followed my heart and lost my mind.
I AM A GOALIE, for god sake. I am the last person you can trust and I own the most dangerous area during the game. I love it! Responsibility as goalie, trust from teammates and making impossible saves possible! That's something I love about being goalie. I followed my heart and lost my mind again. It's like a never ending circle to me. In August I got back in goal again. I felt the "undiscovered energy"of my own abilities to become the best goalie. I set that as my goal. I don't know if anyone else have experienced that too, but that feeling was(still is) so strong than in my mind I understand than " I have the place where to grow". The sad part is, there is something what's stopping me.

Maybe I am too young, and scared to turn it around and maybe make a change so I may turn a lot of people against me.(I don't think than I should do it by myself and I don't feel myself strong enough to do that.) But isn't it the right thing to do when you feel than you are right? But what if not!( That's why I wait just to not make a mistake. But we learn form mistakes! I do. I did. I just know it hurts so damn much knowing you was wrong, you apologized but you are not forgiven. And you live with this feeling everyday.I let it go, but it comes back. You forget about it, than you remember. It's like a circle.) I believe than things happens for a reason, there have to be reason why I start to play Endre and now I am playing in Silverstaden. There have to be reason why I am experiencing two different attitudes based on inside team spirit.

As a goalie in Endre, I can tell, it was tough, but it was great. I learned a lot, I showed my anger and tears. I showed than I care. I become better I. Stronger. More ambitious. I finally understood than I am a really good goalie which a lot of teams may appreciate in their team. But you always has to choose between something. In my case it was choice between stay or go.

Last Friday we had game against Endre.
Ther's something I miss. This team has a strong team spirit and the energy. You can feel it by their attitude, by the way their are entering the sport hall. These girls are like one strong family and you know than they have each others back. If you push one of them, you push all of the team and none likes to be pushed. They react. But they react as a team. Together. I can only wish a good luck for them 'couze they are worth the Gold!
Same feeling I might say about Iksu and Mora.
Let's the best team win!

Honestly is a great character. I have it. I love to speak the truth. The my truth. I will get critics, I will hear good words and it's okej to stay like that.
It's not much left for this season to end. I have learned a lot, have worked on my patient and fighting with emotions. Too much energy wasted on things I shouldn't care about, but that's what I do. And the gap of self- goalie-development seems have been untouched. I want to "fix" what's broken all around me in first and than only take care about myself. But that's not what the World needs as Espen told me once: "Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive". -Howard Thurman
When I start something, I care, and try to make the best of it. I don't quit. I believe there is more than just me who have learned a lot from this season. I agree, we are not worth the last place. We should be in Top 8. To take that place we have to give more than we have done until now. Much more. Everyone starting with me (and you as individuals). A lot much more! It ain't over 'til it's over!

"18 points to fight for! Everything is Possible!"

#99

what's the goalie biggest fear?

Everyone fear something. From time to time or all the time. Constantly.

This is personal.
This is my fear.

Every game goalie have... is something special. This "fight: Who will start at goal" for every game is tough. A lot of players and don't even coaches know this feeling, which actually is on the whole season. This fight most familiars to goalies and reservists. You don't know the feeling until you know the feeling."Walk the Talk" calls it. What I meant to say than every game is precious.

The truth about this goalie, me, is than I love this sport by whole my heart. I even believe it has saved my life! (why's that? Read it here.) I love to analyze my mistakes to get better and better and I love to remember the awesome saves which gave the adrenaline to my body and smile on my lips afterwards. I love to do my best! I love to found the ways to become better and be closer to my best "goalie shape". It's mental and it's physical. At this moment I can't describe the my ideal goalie shape ( if I do, it means I will analyze it again and again), but I know than one day I will feel than this is it- I don't want to go further. I have become the goalie I wish for! I believe you can only feel it. It's the only way how to know what's right. The heart knows the answers. We just have to be brave enough to not to let the mind get scared. And that's tuffy!

What I am scared of than I will give up before I reach it. But I feel like I am done soon... The truth is the floorball don't put the food on my table. The truth is I am more than a goalie in life. I have so creative and beautiful soul to be exposed! That's something I want to make a living of. That's somewhere I want to start to build my family and settle down. I don't want to reach from team to team, change town by town. I don't want to put my energy in fights which costs a stress and sad face. I want to stay ambitious as I am and be the only one who gets any kind of effect from that! I don't want to if you don't want that!

My biggest fear is to give up in middle of the game. It has happened, but it's only me who have noticed that. I fear of the day I will give up on myself. On other fight- the fight with myself to be better and better one.

#99